ouch!

(originally posted 2/28/10)

Maddox, now three years old, has a very hard time staying in his bed at night. We lay him down and go into the living room and within minutes he's standing in the hallway or just walking right out into the living room asking for a drink, snack, his blanky or to sit in mommy's lap...in fact, as I type this, Maddox has literally just walked out of his room and crawled up in the chair next to me whining and asking for me to hold him! What timing, huh!?!? HA!! Anyway, Maddox finds a multitude of excuses to get up from his bed and once we finally DO get him to stay in his bed he will yell for us over and over asking us to sit in his room with him or switch the movie he is watching or re-cover him up after he has kicked off all of his blankets! Recently, Maddox came wandering down the hallway late at night for what seemed like the 100th time and I firmly told him that he needed to "get back in his bed." He wasn't too happy to not be getting his way and turned quickly attempting to run back down the hallway in a fit while working up tears at the same time. Unfortunately for him, this didn't work out too well and as Maddox turned quickly to take off running back down the hall he stubbed his toe on the doorway. Ouch! I'm sure it hurt but because Maddox was so tired and it was so late he reacted as if he needed to be rushed to the emergency room! He dropped to the floor sobbing HUGE crocodile tears and just melted down into a pool of pity. I was sitting on the sofa when the "accident" happened and couldn't see Maddox but I heard the impact of the toe to the door frame and then, of course, heard the resulting sobs of pain. I immediately got up from the sofa and rushed to Maddox's side. I sat on the floor in the hallway and let Maddox curl up into my lap as I consoled him. I rubbed his little head (okay, it's a big head!) and wiped away his tears until he was all cried out. After a few moments, I was able to put Maddox back into his bed and watch him doze off into dream land.

Lesson Learned? Each time Maddox got out of his bed that night he was disobeying mom and dad. We told him repeatedly to stay in his bed and go to sleep but he chose not to listen and instead got up and left his bedroom. He chose to disobey over and over and over. On his final trip, and final disobedience, into the hallway he injured himself. So often, in our walk with the Lord, we don't listen. We continually either ignore what God is asking us to do or hear Him perfectly clear and choose to disobey and do our own thing anyway. God patiently tells us over and over what he expects of us and asks us as many times as it takes to do the right thing but often in our immaturity and/or stubbornness we choose a different path. Then, unfortunately, on some occasions in the midst of our disobedience we fall down and hurt ourselves. Whether it be physically, spiritually or mentally we get hurt in our rebellion. Luckily for us, even in the midst of our disobedience God comes rushing to our rescue! When Maddox took off running back down the hallway after getting in trouble he wasn't just running to obey, he was running out of anger. Many times we do the same thing. When we "injure" ourselves we're usually not running back to obedience, we are far too often running yet again in rebellion, anger and to assert our point of view. Hoping that God, or his parents in Maddox's case, will see our frustration with our punishment and change His mind. But nevertheless, as we fall down or "stub our toe", so to speak, God jumps up from his "sofa" and comes running toward his child. He sits down with us, right where we are in the midst of defiance, and scoops us up into his lap! He cuddles us and wipes away our tears whispering that everything will be okay. That's not to say that our injury still won't hurt, though. Even though mommy came running Maddox still had to endure the pain of a bruised pinky toe just as we, in our christian rebellion, sometimes have to endure the pain of our "injury" even while God whispers consoling words and kisses our heads. Once our tears are dry, God gently places us back into our beds and asks us, yet again, to obey. He doesn't say "I told you so" or "if only you had listened". He simply lays us back in our beds and watches us doze off in peace and comfort. This is one of the most simple but biggest lessons I have learned lately. It doesn't matter if you are disobeying in a HUGE way by completely running the opposite direction from all things God is asking you to do or if you simply felt the Lord leading you to talk to a friend or family member and you chose to keep your mouth shut, the point is when you are doing the opposite of what God has asked you to do God will still be there for you! Of course, God is also there for you when you are living in perfect obedience, but we all have our moments and it's comforting to know that even in our darkest hour God is waiting in the wings to comfort us, speak to us or simply wipe away a tear. He's ALWAYS there. He will NEVER ignore your cries. Whether you've stubbed a toe or stayed in your bed as asked the first time, God is there! No matter your situation call out to Him! He wants to hear from his children! Just as a parent who could never ignore the cries of his child, God is there for you in the good and the bad! He loves you!

purpose driven dryer

(originally posted 2/7/10)

We all use, each and everyday, a variety of utensils and appliances that were invented to do one specific task and do it well. Just think about it...your washer and dryer, blender, coffee pot, hair dryer, curling iron, toaster and dishwasher...they all do one task and they do it better than we could do without them! Imagine washing clothes before the good ol' washing machine or making coffee from raw beans over an open flame! YIKES! I don't know how today's society would survive! Me included! Our lives have been made better by each of these gadgets and we as humans have been able to cram so much more into one day because of them! Right!?!? Well, just imagine with me now that over time, over years and years one, or all, of these appliances slowly lost interest in their assigned duty. What if slowly your dryer stopped drying your clothes? Sure, at first you'd have to set it to run for 40 minutes instead of 30 to get your clothes completely dry but before too long you find that you are running your loads a full 2 cycles and progressively after that you find that you are hanging your heavier laundry items, like towels and jeans, out on the line because your dryer just can't seem to handle them anymore. Or what if your hair dryer suddenly stopped forcing enough air through and what air did come through wasn't hot anymore, it was merely warm and even turned cold at some point. You might notice a slight change at first but say to yourself "well, it still works" but before too long you either have to replace the hair dryer or let your hair air dry. Now, let's imagine one step further and pretend that one day you go out to put a very limited number of items into your clothes dryer (as, remember, it will not dry much at a time these days) and as you open the dryer to place your damp clothes in, your dryer speaks to you and says "Why am I here? What was I created for?" I know, it seems farfetched but just imagine with me! If that really happened I imagine that I would, and I know you would too, probably start laughing! Laughing really loud in fact! What a silly question. "Well, look at you!" You might say. "You're a dryer! You dry clothes..." It's so obvious right?? You couldn't use your dryer to toast bread or your curling iron to wash clothes. That's crazy talk!!

Lesson Learned? Each of our modern day appliances is wired for a very specific purpose. We don't have one "do-it-all" tool. No! We have many tools that do many different things but each as a specific purpose! God created us the exact same way! It seems ridiculous to think that a dryer would ask us why it was created. I mean, look at it! It has heat settings, an on and off button, a large barrel opening to hold lots of clothes...what else could it possibly do??? Sometimes I imagine that God must look down on us and just chuckle to himself as we wander around this life asking "Why am I here? What was I created for?" Remember when you were first saved? Remember when you were "fresh out of the box" so to speak? You were so excited to serve Christ. You told everyone who would listen (and some who wouldn't) about the change God had made in your life. You volunteered for everything at your church and showed up for every event. You were usually the first one to each service and the last one to leave. You dove deeply into praise and worship each and every time and read your Bible daily. You didn't just talk the talk but you walked the walk! Just like the tools of today, we as humans were created for and wired for a very specific purpose. When you were first saved I bet you didn't worry too much about what you were "called to do" day in and day out! You just got up and followed God everyday. You didn't think too far into what God would have you to do. Right?? I believe that just like appliances, over time, we as humans and as Christians begin to lose our luster for the savior. We begin to forget our purpose and no longer perform our specific tasks up to par. We begin to feel like what we're wired to do isn't so exciting anymore and we over think our purpose. Don't over think it!! We were created to please God! We were created to make God happy! We were created to worship! Sure, God gave us many talents. Some of us teach, some of us cook, some of us socialize, some of us sing...there's a thousand talents and giftings that God has placed within each and every one of us that we use here on this Earth for His glory!! But what are we wired for? What are we created for? TO WORSHIP HIM!!! We all struggle in this life to find our purpose and to find our niche and to know what God wants us to do with the time we are given here and, don't misunderstand me, I totally agree that we each have a story to be written in our lives and God has a plan for each of us...but when all else fails don't lose hope. If you don't know where you're going, what you're doing or even where you are right now in your relationship with Christ or in the grand scheme of your christian walk, DO NOT get overwhelmed!! Just step back, take a breath and rely on what you know for sure...you were created to worship the King of Kings and when you do that God will take care of all your other needs and concerns! God's word promises in Matthew 6:33 "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." Don't freak out if you don't know what you're going to be doing in 10 years...what does it matter really!? Just know that today, in this moment you are here and you are wired to worship! God craves your worship! Give Him the praise He's due! 

My Wednesday night pastor, Robby, said something a couple weeks ago that I wrote in my Bible and have re-read many times since and it was this "Try tomorrow to be CRAZY IN LOVE with Jesus...and everything else will take care of itself." Does it sound easy...sure! Is it easy...not so much! It's hard for us to not over think things. Believe me I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE!!! But we must work on it! On the other hand, if you have already found your purpose, if you know beyond a shadow of a doubt what you were created for and you are living that out each day in your life DON'T let your purpose become boring! On the days that your calling feels more like a punishment just remember that God honors the faithful! If dryers really did have personalities would they at some point look at the microwave and say to themselves "I wish I could heat food and not dry clothes..." Probably. But that doesn't make the dryers duty of drying clothes any less important or needed! Your purpose is important! It's just as important 20 years down the road as it was the first most exciting day you entered into it! The lesson I am learning right now and the one I want to pass on to you is as simple as this blog post...WORSHIP! Love God with all you have! Be CRAZY IN LOVE with Jesus and just watch as everything else takes care of itself and falls into place! Don't look as ridiculous as the dryer would if it asked you "why it's here"...just relax, do what you're wired to do and love the Lord!

start again tomorrow

(originally posted 9/14/09)

Have you ever been on a diet? If you have, then memories of said diet (or diets!) are now flooding back into your mind. You are remembering saying to yourself EVERY weekend "OK. Monday I am going to start eating better..." only to be pulling through the McDonald's drive thru by Wednesday. You are remembering that last minute "stuff" the night before you start a new diet wherein you sample one of everything in your kitchen cabinet and fridge just to make sure you don't miss out on anything before you give up everything. And, perhaps, you are remembering the smell of a frozen pizza that your husband is cooking at 11PM while you jealously sit on the sofa eating your 99% fat free popcorn with NO extra butter..ugh. (Can you tell I'm speaking from experience? HA!) If, however, you have never been on a diet...DON'T TELL ME!!! Anyway, if you've ever attempted any form of a diet whether it was a full on weight watcher's style diet complete with daily workouts and a strict schedule or whether it was simply to give up soda and late night snacking, then you know how hard it is to change your lifestyle. Dieting goes against everything our body "wants" to do! A Sunday school teacher of mine put it best when he said that "our stomachs are spoiled brats!" He was SO right! When our stomach wants to eat, it wants what it wants and it wants it NOW! It takes a lot of self control and careful planning in order to successfully stay on a diet. Another horrible emotion that comes along with dieting is guilt. When you have so perfectly planned out your meals for the entire week not even going over your assigned calorie count by so much as a tootsie roll and then Saturday night comes and Grandma calls offering to babysit so you can go out to dinner and all you can think is "we only get to go out once every few months...I am SO getting the steak and loaded baked potato and as many rolls as I can stuff into my mouth!" During the meal you feel awesome! You are alone with your husband, or maybe girlfriends, and the entire evening is perfect! Afterward, however, the "food guilt" sets in. You feel stuffed, tired, miserable and just want to lay down...only to say to yourself as you go to sleep "tomorrow I will REALLY start this diet."

Lesson Learned? Besides obviously learning the great life lesson that dieting is hard hard work, I have also learned that my dieting life can so accurately be paralleled to my life in Christ. We approach Christ with the attitude that day in and day out we are going to do this "christian" thing perfectly! We are going to read our Bible for one hour a day and pray whenever we have a free moment. We are going to not only attend church whenever they have a service but we are also going to sign up for, volunteer for and attend every single event offered by our home church! We set the bar HIGH! We have such great expectations for ourselves only to be racked with guilt the first time we miss a church service or go one day without reading our Bible. Just as in dieting we make living a life for Christ WAY too hard. When you start a diet there's no way you can tell yourself "I'm never going to eat pizza or ice cream EVER again!" When you do this you are only setting yourself up for failure. And if you don't fail you will simply be miserable! (On the diet I mean...!!) Just as in our daily relationship with Christ we far too often form God into our minds as a strong armed tyrant who squashes us into nothingness the moment we read only one chapter in our Bible instead of three or four or five! God is not like this! And besides that, and an even more important factor in life is, WE ARE NOT PERFECT! The same Sunday school teacher I mentioned earlier also once said "give yourself a break!" and I think that's really good advice. Just as in our dieting journey there will also be ups and downs in our walk with the Lord. Some days we will stick to our devotion routine and witness to everyone we come in contact with and other days we will wake up late, barely get the kids to school on time and then have to order pizza for dinner because the day was so overwhelming! (Oh great! Now you've not had a devotional and ruined that so called diet by ordering take out...Grrrr!) Life is a journey, dieting is a journey and our walk with Christ is a journey...none of these are destinations. Take your walk with God day by day. Love him as much as you can everyday. Make the decision to do your best everyday. Some days that "best" will be better than others but don't beat yourself up when your best is praying in the shower and not giving a dirty look to the person who cut you off in traffic! Now, don't get me wrong here or misquote me. This is not a license to live wild and make wrong choices. Just as in dieting, if we all just gave up, never made healthy choices and never turned down dessert we would be HUGE! We would just continue to gain weight and gain weight and gain weight until we had to stay in bed all the time and be completely immobile. The same is true in our christian life. If we simply give up and do whatever "feels right" then we will just fall deeper and deeper away from Christ until we are unusable and not in tune with the voice of God at all. Neither are healthy. The lesson simply is to have a plan. Practice self control as best you can each and everyday. Do your best each and everyday but expect to fall and sometimes even fail. Expect setbacks. Expect that some days will feel like one step forward and two steps back. Does that mean you lay down and die? Does that mean you give up? No way! When you've had "one of those days" just lay your head down on your pillow at night and say to yourself "tomorrow I'll..."

self inflicted

(originally posted 8/23/09)

As most of you know, this past week was Camp Cousin! This is a week where Rae and I get our kids together to do a full week of "fun stuff" and just hang out together and stay connected since we don't live in the same town anymore. Needless to say, we try and cram so much stuff into this week that it gets extremely tiring. We are tired, obviously, and the kids even get tired too. We have them nap when we get the chance but mostly we just push through filling our days with museums, zoos, parks and picnics! By the end of the week, you can only imagine the break downs we are all having...especially the kids. Well, this year's Camp Cousin was no different. On Thursday night, after 4 full days of cram packed fun, Maddox had had enough. Elia was outside swinging with her daddy and I saw my window of opportunity to get my boys in and out of the shower quickly before Elia came back in. (You see, we can't really let them take baths together anymore...they are getting too curious!) So, I announced to Ashtyn and Maddox that it was time for a shower. They take both showers and baths these days. I usually let them take baths, most of the time, but especially on nights when we are in a hurry or overly tired I just stick them in the shower and make the process much quicker. Tonight, however, when I announced we were taking a shower Maddox wasn't happy. He wanted to play in the bath. I told him that "tonight we were taking a shower" but he decided to resist my decision. I know that it was a combination of strong will and lack of sleep but whatever the reason Maddox went into full on break down mode. He refused to get undressed and produced crocodile tears on command (something Maddox is VERY good at). It always pulls at my heart strings to see his twisted, crying face with tears streaming down but I knew I had to stick to my guns. I put Ash in the shower and then struggled to get Maddox undressed and in the shower as well. Once inside, Maddox took his "fit" up a notch. The tears grew bigger, the crying got louder and he began yelling things like "I don't wanna take a shower!" at the top of his lungs. I tried to ignore him and put on a happy face while going about my business happily washing Ashtyn's hair and helping him out of the tub. As Ashtyn put on his PJ's and brushed his teeth, Maddox got even louder...if that's possible. He stood in the shower, arms crossed and lip out. I continued to ignore his behavior and every now and then simply asked him if he was ready for me to wash his hair. He would lash out each time with a stubborn "NO!" and a grunt under his breath and I would walk away to interact with Ash and go about my business trying to prove to Maddox that his little tantrum wasn't having an effect on me and I would eventually wear him down. Well...our little shower scuffle came to a head when after minutes (that felt like hours) of listening to Maddox cry and scream from behind the shower curtain, I walked into the bathroom having made the decision to wash his hair, whether he liked it or not, and then put him to bed. As I pulled back the shower curtain, however, and tried to put shampoo in his hair Maddox picked up a washcloth and threw it at me and then tried to run away from me inside the shower. He almost slipped and then that made him cry all over again. I couldn't believe what had just happened. Now, Maddox has a temper and we've seen him throw a toy or two and he's even lashed out at Brandon when Brandon is trying to punish him but he's always approached me very differently. Tonight, though, I guess it was my turn. As soon as I comprehended what was happening, I grabbed a bath towel, wrapped it around Maddox and lifted him from the tub. I took him to his room, put on his diaper and put him in his bed. I told him not to come out until he was ready to wash his hair. I shut off his bedroom light and left the room shutting the door behind me. Obviously, Maddox didn't like one bit what had just happened. He cried and yelled from his room but I just ignored his behavior once again. When I heard him settling down and the whimper that comes after a hard cry beginning, I slowly opened his door and quietly walked in. I found Maddox laying in his bed with his pajamas on (which I didn't put on him) underneath his covers and almost asleep. I knelt down next to his bed and rubbed his back. I asked him if he was ready to wash his hear and he rolled over with swollen eyes and wet face, rubbed his eyes and said "I'm tired". My heart broke. I began to tear up. I knew I had done the right thing but my baby was crying himself to sleep all because he wants to wash his hair in the bathtub and not the shower.

Lesson Learned? As I sat there, heart breaking, watching my baby boy soothe himself with tears, it hit me...hard. I do this, we all do this, to God all the time. He asks us to do something SO simple and because it's not exactly the way we wanted to do it or not exactly what we wanted to do we throw a huge fit. We cross our arms, stomp our feet and scream at the top of our spiritual lungs in protest and refusal. We lash out and push God away refusing to accept His help through our situation. We want nothing more then for God to leave us alone. Then we eventually find ourselves self soothing and crying ourselves to sleep. We feel all alone. We feel as though we have been abandoned. In reality, God is standing right outside our door just waiting for us to come back out and say that we are ready and willing to do things His way. All He wants us to do is approach Him, to run back into His arms. He is listening to us cry and just waiting for us to come back. His heart is breaking as well. When I finally entered Maddox's room it broke my heart to hear him say "I'm tired". Why? Because he had done this to himself and didn't even realize it. He said those words to me as if I had caused his pain and that hurt me. When we refuse to follow God and refuse to do even the simplest of tasks we are fighting a battle that will only make us tired and worn out. We so often find ourselves in the fetal position, drenched in our own tears wondering why God has allowed all of this to happen to us when in reality we have pushed Him away and done it to ourselves. We could have avoided so much if only we had obeyed. What are you resisting? Why are you tired? Why are you standing firm and refusing to move forward? What is God asking YOU to do? It's a simple question and when we look back on these situations in our life we often wonder "Why did I freak out about that?" "What was I so afraid of?" "What He was asking me seems so simple, now!" But in the midst we flail about and throw a full on hissy fit. Examine yourself. Examine what God is doing in your life. Are YOU wearing yourself out by trying to do things YOUR way?

"Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:21-23

what?

(originally posted 5/31/09)

If you're the mother of toddlers, or have ever been the mother of a toddler, then you will know what I'm talking about when I say this...sometimes you have one of those days where you think to yourself "If I hear someone say 'mama' one more time I am going to lock myself in the bathroom!!" My boys call out for me a lot. Everyday, from about 6:30AM to about 8:30 or 9:00PM I hear "MAMA!" what seems like every ten minutes. Whether they need a drink, a snack, help going to the bathroom, their shoes re-tied, a toy off the top shelf or a multitude of different things...I hear the boys screaming my name all day every day! I've noticed over the lifetime of both of my boys that when they call for me, or even just say my name from the back seat of the car to point out something they've seen out their window, I have to respond to them in order to get the "calling" to stop. When I'm at home, and on the other side of the house, sometimes that response requires me to walk to wherever they are and see what they need and sometimes it simply requires me to respond to them verbally. Over the years, I have learned that I have to respond with the word "What?" in order for the boys to feel like I've really heard them. It can be very frustrating, but if I respond to their cries with "Yes?" or "Huh?" or any other word they just continue to say "Mama" and call my name until they hear "What?".

Lesson Learned? One day, while I was driving in the car and the boys were trying to get my attention, I had responded to them with EVERY other word possible besides "What?" and they continued to say "mama" over and over until in a huff I finally said "WHAT?" After I answered them with "what" the boys continued with whatever they wanted to tell me. In that moment, in my moment of mommy frustration, the Lord spoke to me and told me that we do this same thing to Him. So often, we keep asking the Lord the same exact thing over and over and over and over and we cry out to him over and over and over and over not even noticing that he is answering us. We are so focused on hearing one specific word, one specific answer that even as the Lord continues to answer our cries, using a variety of words and answers, we refuse to hear Him. We just continue asking our question. Maybe we don't want to hear the answer He is giving or maybe we just aren't in tune with His voice but whatever the "excuse" we are unable to move forward in our own lives and with what the Lord wants for us because we aren't hearing Him. We need to listen, tune in, find the voice of the Lord and pay attention. God is speaking to us all! We are only driving ourselves crazy and postponing the answers and blessings God has for us as individuals by not listening and just asking the same questions day after day. The Lord IS answering you!

constant

(originally posted 2/23/09)

Since we have moved into our new house, Maddox has had a very hard time falling asleep in his own bed. When we left Ponca he was still sleeping in a crib and so we hadn't had to deal with him getting up and down in the night. We also had done so well with a schedule with him that we could simply place him in his crib at a set time with his bottle and rarely would we even hear from him again until morning. Well, since we moved to Mustang this is no longer the case! Just falling asleep can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours and it is a constant battle of placing Maddox in his bed and him wandering out a few minutes later only to place him back in his bed again and on and on. We continue this process throughout the entire evening. Unfortunately, a lot of our bedtime problems are probably my fault because on days when I'm just exhausted by dinner and don't have the energy to fight Maddox through bedtime, I will concede and hold him on the sofa and allow him to fall asleep in my lap. This happens more often than not lately and one night as I was holding Maddox trying to get him to fall asleep, the Lord spoke to me.

Lesson Learned? As I sat in the dark with my son in my lap, the Lord said "You are Maddox's constant". Everything else around him has changed. His home has changed, his bed has changed, his routine has changed but mommy has stayed the same. Maddox was clinging to something familiar, something soothing. He was clinging to the only constant in his life. This should be and can be the same in our walk with the Lord. Even at moments when it seems everything around is us crashing down and we don't recognize our surroundings and don't know if we can or even want to adjust we can always cling to our savior. He will always be there. When we need him most he will scoop us up, wipe our tears away and hold us on the sofa just stroking our hair and allowing us to doze off to sleep in a familiar place. No matter where you are in life and no matter if you are feeling comfortable right now, there will come a time when everything around you will be uprooted. Whether that means you are physically uprooted and moved to a new town where you must readjust or whether that means you have to learn a tough spiritual lesson and so feel out of place in your own skin, just know that in those moments that Lord has not changed. His word promises that he is the same yesterday, today and forever. He can and will ALWAYS be your constant and your comfort.

stir until

(originally posted 11/23/08)

Every single morning, almost without fail, I have at least one cup of coffee. I know it's probably a bad habit but I'll be the first to admit I'm addicted. I wake up thinking about what flavor of coffee I want that morning and when I go grocery shopping I stand at the refrigerated section of the grocery store staring at the variety of coffee creamer's weighing my decision of which creamer I am in the mood for this time. I guess there's worse things I could be addicted to! Regardless, my routine goes that I make my cup of coffee, pour in a bit of sugar and then make my way to the refrigerator to pour in my creamer. With as many times as I have poured creamer into my coffee, it has only been recently that I have truly noticed something interesting about the "creamer pouring" process. When you pour lightly colored creamer into dark roast coffee (or any coffee for that matter) the creamer fills only the bottom of the mug. You can really see this if you use a clear glass coffee mug. Every bit of creamer you pour into your coffee settles across the bottom of the cup like a thick fog across the ground. Not until you stir the coffee does the creamer overtake the rich coffee and blend to where you can't tell what the color used to be. The two become one!

Lesson Learned? When you put creamer into your coffee it separates itself from the coffee until enticed by the spoon to mix in. This is just like God in our lives! God is a gentleman and, just like the creamer, won't mix with the coffee on it's own, God won't consume your life unless prompted by you. YOU have to invite HIM in! When invited, though, and when you finally do "mix" God into your life, something amazing happens! There comes a point when you have mixed so much that you don't remember what you used to look like. Everything about your make up changes. You become something new...something better! The two become one!

ahoy matey

(originally posted 10/19/08)

A couple of days ago the boys were each doing their own things while I cleaned up the house a bit. Ashtyn was watching cartoons in my room and Maddox was playing in his room. After a bit of play, Maddox came out of his room and asked me to get the toy pirate ship down. We keep it on a shelf that he can't reach all by himself. So, I went into his room and got it down along with the basket of pirate ship accessories and placed it on the floor in his room and began to walk out. As I walked away, though, Maddox said "No, I want it on the sofa." I turned back around and explained to him that mommy was picking up the living room and so he needed to keep the ship in his room for now so mommy could finish. He stuck his lower lip out and said "but I can't see you in here." Of course, my heart broke, but I also learned an important lesson.

Lesson Learned? Just as Maddox wanted to play with his pirate ship in a room where he could keep his eyes on mommy we should always do our best to keep our eyes on the Lord. I think we are all very good at this on "church days". We go to church on Sunday and Wednesday with every intention of focusing on God and giving him our full attention but why not live our everyday lives in that same manner? It doesn't matter if we are doing something serious or just simply "playing" (as Maddox was) we can still choose to stay within eye-shot of our Lord. I once read a devotional that said we don't only want to spend time with our children when they have a problem to work out or have something serious to discuss...we also want to spend time with them at the park or doing a puzzle. In fact, as parents, we get almost as much enjoyment out of simply watching our kids play as we do actually playing with them. There are many times I have found myself perfectly content to sit back and watch my boys do something they enjoy without them knowing I am peeking in. It brings tears to my eyes to see them excel in their talents and love their hobbies! God views us in much the same way. He loves us to talk out our troubles with him but he also loves to sit back and watch us enjoy his creation and all he has blessed us with. Next time you are going to the movies, taking a trip to the beach or even just relaxing with a good book remember that your Lord wants to be near you in that moment. Keep your eyes on him even in the most inopportune moments! I'm sure he would love to enjoy those simple and FUN moments with you!

a familiar route

(originally posted 9/22/08)

Since we have moved to Edmond, I think it goes without saying, that we have made quite a few trips back to Ponca City. We have gone back to visit the church, visit family and friends, and even take the boys to the doctor but, for whatever reason, we have been driving back and forth a lot. After being in Edmond for a few weeks, we decided to make yet another trip back to Ponca. It was just me and the boys visiting that day and I was anxious to get there. During the drive, the boys were watching their movies in the backseat and I was enjoying some quiet time with the radio and my thoughts. I was getting kind of lost in the drive...you know, when you are almost just in auto pilot mode because you have driven THAT drive soooo many times before and you feel like you could almost do it with your eyes closed!? (don't worry...my eyes were open! ha!) Anyway, at one point I really got to looking at my surroundings and I kind of freaked out because I didn't recognize where I was. For some reason, the landscape and the road didn't look familiar to me at all. I knew I was still on I-35 North headed to Ponca City...I knew I hadn't taken an exit or made a wrong turn, but I had to force myself to keep looking until I saw something familiar just to comfort myself and to know that I actually WAS on the right road.

Lesson Learned? Sometimes in life and in our relationship with the Lord we can be on a path and doing something that we KNOW is right and at the same time we can look up and feel lost. In that moment, we might panic and feel chaos build inside of us and we may even feel the need to "pull over" and re-evaluate where we are and where we are headed. We might want to turn around and head back the other direction knowing that something familiar is behind us but what we should do is take confidence in knowing that we were set on this path and should continue on, even if it may be blindly, until we reach our destination. Yes, there will be road signs telling us we are going the right way that will give us that boost we need to keep on...but in between those "signs" we just have to trust the road and trust the path. It will get us where we need to go.

pause

(originally posted 8/17/08)

God has been speaking to me for so long, now, through these "Lessons Learned" that I have begun to look for his voice in my everyday surroundings. Overall, I think this is a VERY good thing. Every moment in my day has become an opportunity to hear from God and learn something that I can apply to my life. On the downside, though, I think through this time of moving to Edmond and struggling to find my place I have been searching and searching and searching for a lesson that can get me through this. I just need something to get me through. A word...a lesson...a quote...ANYTHING!! In my searching, though, for something to help me I realized that I have been searching for a lesson when really all I needed to do was take a deep breath and calm down and relax. God wants us to work on ourselves and he wants us to learn and grow, but he also wants us to relax and rest in Him. There are times when it is perfectly appropriate to...do NOTHING! Wow! What a realization. I have spent so much of my life being all things to all people that I have forgotten that God loves ME too!! He is looking out for me and is giving me a chance to take a break. I still have no idea what my purpose is here in Edmond and who knows when I will find out...but I do know I can rely on the basics. God loves me! God is looking out for me! God has blessed me with a wonderful family and he wants me to enjoy them! Maybe you can apply this to some area of your life too.

long distance relationship

(originally posted 7/25/08)

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? Well, even if you haven't, I'm sure you know someone who has. Long distance relationships start off great! You get all the benefits of a relationship without all the daily grind. You see each other on the weekends or once or twice a month and you maximize those moments and plan only the best of the best to share with one another. You want to make sure that you create the best memories possible until the next time you see each other. Unfortunately, though, long distance relationships generally do not last. In order for a relationship to last it has to progress and when you aren't putting in the day to day work it takes to build a relationship then it will eventually (and unfortunately) fade away.

Lesson Learned? This lesson goes 2 ways. One, is that we often treat our relationship with the Lord as a long distance relationship. We plan huge events with him and visit him for the fun times and create memories that we think are building something to last, but over time we find ourselves bored and moving on to other things. This is because we're not progressing into a more intimate and deeper relationship. We are only sharing the "fun" times. Yes, long distance relationships may be fun for a time (even with God) but just like marriage, in the long run you have to take the bad with the good. Yes, married couples may fight more than long distance relationship couples but they are also committed to one another. Whereas those who have surface relationships may never experience a lovers quarrel now and then they will also not stand the test of time. The second lesson I have learned about long distance relationships is best described with a personal experience. As you know, we have recently moved to Edmond. God moved us away from everything we have ever known in Ponca City. The ministry we grew up in, our families and the friends we have had since we were teenagers. It doesn't need to be said that this HAS NOT been easy. Since our move, I have been back to Ponca City nearly every single week for one thing or another. Whether it was a commitment I had made previous to moving or just a visit to family and friends we have driven back and forth quite a bit. I realized something recently though that was hard to swallow...I am having a long distance relationship with Ponca City. God called me to a new city and a new ministry and a new chapter in my life but I am still trying to plan those "fun" events with my old city. Now, that's not to say that I can't still hold onto old friendships and still visit them and stay in touch. But by not letting go I am missing whatever God has for me here, and in fact am only delaying the blessings God has for me in Edmond. I am avoiding my new life. You can apply this to your own life in many ways. Whether you have moved or are moving to a new town or whether you are getting a new job or just making a major change in your life...focus on the future. Don't think of this change as the death of the past but more the opportunity to embrace something new. Believe me, even as a type, I have not figured out how to do this yet but the beauty is I DON'T HAVE TO FIGURE IT OUT!! I simply need to stay faithful to my God and stay faithful to my family and live the life God has laid out before me and everything will, thank heavens, fall into place.

alone time

(originally posted 5/18/08)

Ashtyn has gone to bed all by himself for quite sometime now. At around 7:30 or 8:00PM we put him in his bed, tuck him in and turn on a movie and he falls asleep, usually, pretty quickly. Lately, though, he has been playing that "bedtime" game again where he will come out of his room what seems like 100 times each evening for various reasons. He either wants a drink, has to go potty, needs a snack or wants to watch a different movie. He has also most recently started asking for someone to come in and lay down with him until he falls asleep. We generally try to just tuck him back in and let him fall asleep by himself so that he won't grow dependent on us being next to him to sleep but sometimes it's hard to look into his eyes and say "no". About a week ago we gave in and Brandon laid with him one night and I did the next. Since then, it has been hard to get him to fall asleep by himself again. He has asked every night for one of us to come to his room. Last Tuesday, in particular, Brandon was watching "The Deadliest Catch" and I was reading a book. We thought Ashtyn was asleep but indeed he was not and around 8:30PM he came down the hallway and asked for someone to come lay with him. I tried to handle him, since Brandon was watching his show, and I escorted him back to his bed. He begged me to stay but I really wanted to keep reading my book and so I tucked him in and kissed him goodnight once again. This happened a couple more times over the next 20 minutes or so. At around 8:50PM, I finally agreed to lay with him. As I was laying there watching my son fall asleep the Lord spoke to me...

Lesson Learned? My son was not only asking me to lay with him he was really asking to spend some time with just mommy. The house was quiet and he was longing for the comfort and safety of some alone time. Many times in our lives the Lord is asking us for the same thing. He keeps approaching us asking different things from us (a drink, snack or movie) in the hopes that we will put down what we are doing and tend to what he is asking. We may, in fact, do these little tasks but we do them in a hurry and get back to our own thing. Then when the Lord finally reaches out and asks, or even begs, for our full attention and our time we reluctantly put down what we are doing and spend the time. The crazy part about that night, and what really hit me, was that I was reading a christian book. The Lord pointed out to me that the very thing that I was doing was a "good thing". There was nothing, within itself, wrong with my reading that book. In fact, I probably should read that book but at the time the Lord (Ashtyn) wanted my full attention. Sometimes, God will ask us to put down something that isn't bad for us and in fact is a VERY good thing...but it's just not the time for us to be doing it. We have to be sensitive in those times and make sure that we are guided by the Holy Spirit so that we will know when the appropriate time to continue in our "good thing" is and when it is time to lay that "thing" down and simply lay with the Lord and be quiet.

red light, green light

(originally posted 4/27/08)

Again, the Everaard family has taught me a huge lesson that I am posting in my Lesson Learned. This weekend, Brandon and I went to a conference in Owasso called All Church Ministries Conference. It is a conference for all department heads in your church. We went basically because Brandon had done a lot of graphics work for the conference and so they had a hotel room for us and we sort of used it as a weekend getaway. We did some shopping and hung out with friends. It was fun! On the first night, we were on our way to the evening service and we rode to the church with Doug and Jill. We were at a stoplight and Doug said "is that next stoplight up there out?" We all looked to the next stoplight and sure enough it looked like it was out. You couldn't see any light coming out of it at all. Then Jill said "I think you'll be able to see it when you get closer to it." As our light turned green and we drove closer to the next stoplight, just as Jill had predicted the Red light came into view and the color became clear.

Lesson Learned? As we all saw the light come into view Doug said "much like with God"...and he was soooo right. We so often look just up the next block and think that we will have no direction when we get there and we immediately freak out. We begin trying to find our own direction and thoughts cross our minds like "should I treat this as a 4-way stop" or "how long will it take me to get through this intersection without clear signals?" All of these thoughts bombard us and we don't even allow ourselves to get close enough to the intersection to find out for sure if the signal is even out. We do this exact same thing with God. We look a couple steps ahead and we assume that He has forgotten us or we refuse to take the next stop because we don't already know what the step after that will be. When in fact if we would just get closer to the intersection we would see that the light is working after all and direction is headed our way we just had to keep traveling the direction we knew we were supposed to go. Sure, the signal might come at the last minute but it will come. And yes, it might be a red light and not a green light but it's still a light and you can always be sure that if you come to a red light it won't stay red forever...