ouch!

(originally posted 2/28/10)

Maddox, now three years old, has a very hard time staying in his bed at night. We lay him down and go into the living room and within minutes he's standing in the hallway or just walking right out into the living room asking for a drink, snack, his blanky or to sit in mommy's lap...in fact, as I type this, Maddox has literally just walked out of his room and crawled up in the chair next to me whining and asking for me to hold him! What timing, huh!?!? HA!! Anyway, Maddox finds a multitude of excuses to get up from his bed and once we finally DO get him to stay in his bed he will yell for us over and over asking us to sit in his room with him or switch the movie he is watching or re-cover him up after he has kicked off all of his blankets! Recently, Maddox came wandering down the hallway late at night for what seemed like the 100th time and I firmly told him that he needed to "get back in his bed." He wasn't too happy to not be getting his way and turned quickly attempting to run back down the hallway in a fit while working up tears at the same time. Unfortunately for him, this didn't work out too well and as Maddox turned quickly to take off running back down the hall he stubbed his toe on the doorway. Ouch! I'm sure it hurt but because Maddox was so tired and it was so late he reacted as if he needed to be rushed to the emergency room! He dropped to the floor sobbing HUGE crocodile tears and just melted down into a pool of pity. I was sitting on the sofa when the "accident" happened and couldn't see Maddox but I heard the impact of the toe to the door frame and then, of course, heard the resulting sobs of pain. I immediately got up from the sofa and rushed to Maddox's side. I sat on the floor in the hallway and let Maddox curl up into my lap as I consoled him. I rubbed his little head (okay, it's a big head!) and wiped away his tears until he was all cried out. After a few moments, I was able to put Maddox back into his bed and watch him doze off into dream land.

Lesson Learned? Each time Maddox got out of his bed that night he was disobeying mom and dad. We told him repeatedly to stay in his bed and go to sleep but he chose not to listen and instead got up and left his bedroom. He chose to disobey over and over and over. On his final trip, and final disobedience, into the hallway he injured himself. So often, in our walk with the Lord, we don't listen. We continually either ignore what God is asking us to do or hear Him perfectly clear and choose to disobey and do our own thing anyway. God patiently tells us over and over what he expects of us and asks us as many times as it takes to do the right thing but often in our immaturity and/or stubbornness we choose a different path. Then, unfortunately, on some occasions in the midst of our disobedience we fall down and hurt ourselves. Whether it be physically, spiritually or mentally we get hurt in our rebellion. Luckily for us, even in the midst of our disobedience God comes rushing to our rescue! When Maddox took off running back down the hallway after getting in trouble he wasn't just running to obey, he was running out of anger. Many times we do the same thing. When we "injure" ourselves we're usually not running back to obedience, we are far too often running yet again in rebellion, anger and to assert our point of view. Hoping that God, or his parents in Maddox's case, will see our frustration with our punishment and change His mind. But nevertheless, as we fall down or "stub our toe", so to speak, God jumps up from his "sofa" and comes running toward his child. He sits down with us, right where we are in the midst of defiance, and scoops us up into his lap! He cuddles us and wipes away our tears whispering that everything will be okay. That's not to say that our injury still won't hurt, though. Even though mommy came running Maddox still had to endure the pain of a bruised pinky toe just as we, in our christian rebellion, sometimes have to endure the pain of our "injury" even while God whispers consoling words and kisses our heads. Once our tears are dry, God gently places us back into our beds and asks us, yet again, to obey. He doesn't say "I told you so" or "if only you had listened". He simply lays us back in our beds and watches us doze off in peace and comfort. This is one of the most simple but biggest lessons I have learned lately. It doesn't matter if you are disobeying in a HUGE way by completely running the opposite direction from all things God is asking you to do or if you simply felt the Lord leading you to talk to a friend or family member and you chose to keep your mouth shut, the point is when you are doing the opposite of what God has asked you to do God will still be there for you! Of course, God is also there for you when you are living in perfect obedience, but we all have our moments and it's comforting to know that even in our darkest hour God is waiting in the wings to comfort us, speak to us or simply wipe away a tear. He's ALWAYS there. He will NEVER ignore your cries. Whether you've stubbed a toe or stayed in your bed as asked the first time, God is there! No matter your situation call out to Him! He wants to hear from his children! Just as a parent who could never ignore the cries of his child, God is there for you in the good and the bad! He loves you!

purpose driven dryer

(originally posted 2/7/10)

We all use, each and everyday, a variety of utensils and appliances that were invented to do one specific task and do it well. Just think about it...your washer and dryer, blender, coffee pot, hair dryer, curling iron, toaster and dishwasher...they all do one task and they do it better than we could do without them! Imagine washing clothes before the good ol' washing machine or making coffee from raw beans over an open flame! YIKES! I don't know how today's society would survive! Me included! Our lives have been made better by each of these gadgets and we as humans have been able to cram so much more into one day because of them! Right!?!? Well, just imagine with me now that over time, over years and years one, or all, of these appliances slowly lost interest in their assigned duty. What if slowly your dryer stopped drying your clothes? Sure, at first you'd have to set it to run for 40 minutes instead of 30 to get your clothes completely dry but before too long you find that you are running your loads a full 2 cycles and progressively after that you find that you are hanging your heavier laundry items, like towels and jeans, out on the line because your dryer just can't seem to handle them anymore. Or what if your hair dryer suddenly stopped forcing enough air through and what air did come through wasn't hot anymore, it was merely warm and even turned cold at some point. You might notice a slight change at first but say to yourself "well, it still works" but before too long you either have to replace the hair dryer or let your hair air dry. Now, let's imagine one step further and pretend that one day you go out to put a very limited number of items into your clothes dryer (as, remember, it will not dry much at a time these days) and as you open the dryer to place your damp clothes in, your dryer speaks to you and says "Why am I here? What was I created for?" I know, it seems farfetched but just imagine with me! If that really happened I imagine that I would, and I know you would too, probably start laughing! Laughing really loud in fact! What a silly question. "Well, look at you!" You might say. "You're a dryer! You dry clothes..." It's so obvious right?? You couldn't use your dryer to toast bread or your curling iron to wash clothes. That's crazy talk!!

Lesson Learned? Each of our modern day appliances is wired for a very specific purpose. We don't have one "do-it-all" tool. No! We have many tools that do many different things but each as a specific purpose! God created us the exact same way! It seems ridiculous to think that a dryer would ask us why it was created. I mean, look at it! It has heat settings, an on and off button, a large barrel opening to hold lots of clothes...what else could it possibly do??? Sometimes I imagine that God must look down on us and just chuckle to himself as we wander around this life asking "Why am I here? What was I created for?" Remember when you were first saved? Remember when you were "fresh out of the box" so to speak? You were so excited to serve Christ. You told everyone who would listen (and some who wouldn't) about the change God had made in your life. You volunteered for everything at your church and showed up for every event. You were usually the first one to each service and the last one to leave. You dove deeply into praise and worship each and every time and read your Bible daily. You didn't just talk the talk but you walked the walk! Just like the tools of today, we as humans were created for and wired for a very specific purpose. When you were first saved I bet you didn't worry too much about what you were "called to do" day in and day out! You just got up and followed God everyday. You didn't think too far into what God would have you to do. Right?? I believe that just like appliances, over time, we as humans and as Christians begin to lose our luster for the savior. We begin to forget our purpose and no longer perform our specific tasks up to par. We begin to feel like what we're wired to do isn't so exciting anymore and we over think our purpose. Don't over think it!! We were created to please God! We were created to make God happy! We were created to worship! Sure, God gave us many talents. Some of us teach, some of us cook, some of us socialize, some of us sing...there's a thousand talents and giftings that God has placed within each and every one of us that we use here on this Earth for His glory!! But what are we wired for? What are we created for? TO WORSHIP HIM!!! We all struggle in this life to find our purpose and to find our niche and to know what God wants us to do with the time we are given here and, don't misunderstand me, I totally agree that we each have a story to be written in our lives and God has a plan for each of us...but when all else fails don't lose hope. If you don't know where you're going, what you're doing or even where you are right now in your relationship with Christ or in the grand scheme of your christian walk, DO NOT get overwhelmed!! Just step back, take a breath and rely on what you know for sure...you were created to worship the King of Kings and when you do that God will take care of all your other needs and concerns! God's word promises in Matthew 6:33 "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." Don't freak out if you don't know what you're going to be doing in 10 years...what does it matter really!? Just know that today, in this moment you are here and you are wired to worship! God craves your worship! Give Him the praise He's due! 

My Wednesday night pastor, Robby, said something a couple weeks ago that I wrote in my Bible and have re-read many times since and it was this "Try tomorrow to be CRAZY IN LOVE with Jesus...and everything else will take care of itself." Does it sound easy...sure! Is it easy...not so much! It's hard for us to not over think things. Believe me I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE!!! But we must work on it! On the other hand, if you have already found your purpose, if you know beyond a shadow of a doubt what you were created for and you are living that out each day in your life DON'T let your purpose become boring! On the days that your calling feels more like a punishment just remember that God honors the faithful! If dryers really did have personalities would they at some point look at the microwave and say to themselves "I wish I could heat food and not dry clothes..." Probably. But that doesn't make the dryers duty of drying clothes any less important or needed! Your purpose is important! It's just as important 20 years down the road as it was the first most exciting day you entered into it! The lesson I am learning right now and the one I want to pass on to you is as simple as this blog post...WORSHIP! Love God with all you have! Be CRAZY IN LOVE with Jesus and just watch as everything else takes care of itself and falls into place! Don't look as ridiculous as the dryer would if it asked you "why it's here"...just relax, do what you're wired to do and love the Lord!

start again tomorrow

(originally posted 9/14/09)

Have you ever been on a diet? If you have, then memories of said diet (or diets!) are now flooding back into your mind. You are remembering saying to yourself EVERY weekend "OK. Monday I am going to start eating better..." only to be pulling through the McDonald's drive thru by Wednesday. You are remembering that last minute "stuff" the night before you start a new diet wherein you sample one of everything in your kitchen cabinet and fridge just to make sure you don't miss out on anything before you give up everything. And, perhaps, you are remembering the smell of a frozen pizza that your husband is cooking at 11PM while you jealously sit on the sofa eating your 99% fat free popcorn with NO extra butter..ugh. (Can you tell I'm speaking from experience? HA!) If, however, you have never been on a diet...DON'T TELL ME!!! Anyway, if you've ever attempted any form of a diet whether it was a full on weight watcher's style diet complete with daily workouts and a strict schedule or whether it was simply to give up soda and late night snacking, then you know how hard it is to change your lifestyle. Dieting goes against everything our body "wants" to do! A Sunday school teacher of mine put it best when he said that "our stomachs are spoiled brats!" He was SO right! When our stomach wants to eat, it wants what it wants and it wants it NOW! It takes a lot of self control and careful planning in order to successfully stay on a diet. Another horrible emotion that comes along with dieting is guilt. When you have so perfectly planned out your meals for the entire week not even going over your assigned calorie count by so much as a tootsie roll and then Saturday night comes and Grandma calls offering to babysit so you can go out to dinner and all you can think is "we only get to go out once every few months...I am SO getting the steak and loaded baked potato and as many rolls as I can stuff into my mouth!" During the meal you feel awesome! You are alone with your husband, or maybe girlfriends, and the entire evening is perfect! Afterward, however, the "food guilt" sets in. You feel stuffed, tired, miserable and just want to lay down...only to say to yourself as you go to sleep "tomorrow I will REALLY start this diet."

Lesson Learned? Besides obviously learning the great life lesson that dieting is hard hard work, I have also learned that my dieting life can so accurately be paralleled to my life in Christ. We approach Christ with the attitude that day in and day out we are going to do this "christian" thing perfectly! We are going to read our Bible for one hour a day and pray whenever we have a free moment. We are going to not only attend church whenever they have a service but we are also going to sign up for, volunteer for and attend every single event offered by our home church! We set the bar HIGH! We have such great expectations for ourselves only to be racked with guilt the first time we miss a church service or go one day without reading our Bible. Just as in dieting we make living a life for Christ WAY too hard. When you start a diet there's no way you can tell yourself "I'm never going to eat pizza or ice cream EVER again!" When you do this you are only setting yourself up for failure. And if you don't fail you will simply be miserable! (On the diet I mean...!!) Just as in our daily relationship with Christ we far too often form God into our minds as a strong armed tyrant who squashes us into nothingness the moment we read only one chapter in our Bible instead of three or four or five! God is not like this! And besides that, and an even more important factor in life is, WE ARE NOT PERFECT! The same Sunday school teacher I mentioned earlier also once said "give yourself a break!" and I think that's really good advice. Just as in our dieting journey there will also be ups and downs in our walk with the Lord. Some days we will stick to our devotion routine and witness to everyone we come in contact with and other days we will wake up late, barely get the kids to school on time and then have to order pizza for dinner because the day was so overwhelming! (Oh great! Now you've not had a devotional and ruined that so called diet by ordering take out...Grrrr!) Life is a journey, dieting is a journey and our walk with Christ is a journey...none of these are destinations. Take your walk with God day by day. Love him as much as you can everyday. Make the decision to do your best everyday. Some days that "best" will be better than others but don't beat yourself up when your best is praying in the shower and not giving a dirty look to the person who cut you off in traffic! Now, don't get me wrong here or misquote me. This is not a license to live wild and make wrong choices. Just as in dieting, if we all just gave up, never made healthy choices and never turned down dessert we would be HUGE! We would just continue to gain weight and gain weight and gain weight until we had to stay in bed all the time and be completely immobile. The same is true in our christian life. If we simply give up and do whatever "feels right" then we will just fall deeper and deeper away from Christ until we are unusable and not in tune with the voice of God at all. Neither are healthy. The lesson simply is to have a plan. Practice self control as best you can each and everyday. Do your best each and everyday but expect to fall and sometimes even fail. Expect setbacks. Expect that some days will feel like one step forward and two steps back. Does that mean you lay down and die? Does that mean you give up? No way! When you've had "one of those days" just lay your head down on your pillow at night and say to yourself "tomorrow I'll..."

self inflicted

(originally posted 8/23/09)

As most of you know, this past week was Camp Cousin! This is a week where Rae and I get our kids together to do a full week of "fun stuff" and just hang out together and stay connected since we don't live in the same town anymore. Needless to say, we try and cram so much stuff into this week that it gets extremely tiring. We are tired, obviously, and the kids even get tired too. We have them nap when we get the chance but mostly we just push through filling our days with museums, zoos, parks and picnics! By the end of the week, you can only imagine the break downs we are all having...especially the kids. Well, this year's Camp Cousin was no different. On Thursday night, after 4 full days of cram packed fun, Maddox had had enough. Elia was outside swinging with her daddy and I saw my window of opportunity to get my boys in and out of the shower quickly before Elia came back in. (You see, we can't really let them take baths together anymore...they are getting too curious!) So, I announced to Ashtyn and Maddox that it was time for a shower. They take both showers and baths these days. I usually let them take baths, most of the time, but especially on nights when we are in a hurry or overly tired I just stick them in the shower and make the process much quicker. Tonight, however, when I announced we were taking a shower Maddox wasn't happy. He wanted to play in the bath. I told him that "tonight we were taking a shower" but he decided to resist my decision. I know that it was a combination of strong will and lack of sleep but whatever the reason Maddox went into full on break down mode. He refused to get undressed and produced crocodile tears on command (something Maddox is VERY good at). It always pulls at my heart strings to see his twisted, crying face with tears streaming down but I knew I had to stick to my guns. I put Ash in the shower and then struggled to get Maddox undressed and in the shower as well. Once inside, Maddox took his "fit" up a notch. The tears grew bigger, the crying got louder and he began yelling things like "I don't wanna take a shower!" at the top of his lungs. I tried to ignore him and put on a happy face while going about my business happily washing Ashtyn's hair and helping him out of the tub. As Ashtyn put on his PJ's and brushed his teeth, Maddox got even louder...if that's possible. He stood in the shower, arms crossed and lip out. I continued to ignore his behavior and every now and then simply asked him if he was ready for me to wash his hair. He would lash out each time with a stubborn "NO!" and a grunt under his breath and I would walk away to interact with Ash and go about my business trying to prove to Maddox that his little tantrum wasn't having an effect on me and I would eventually wear him down. Well...our little shower scuffle came to a head when after minutes (that felt like hours) of listening to Maddox cry and scream from behind the shower curtain, I walked into the bathroom having made the decision to wash his hair, whether he liked it or not, and then put him to bed. As I pulled back the shower curtain, however, and tried to put shampoo in his hair Maddox picked up a washcloth and threw it at me and then tried to run away from me inside the shower. He almost slipped and then that made him cry all over again. I couldn't believe what had just happened. Now, Maddox has a temper and we've seen him throw a toy or two and he's even lashed out at Brandon when Brandon is trying to punish him but he's always approached me very differently. Tonight, though, I guess it was my turn. As soon as I comprehended what was happening, I grabbed a bath towel, wrapped it around Maddox and lifted him from the tub. I took him to his room, put on his diaper and put him in his bed. I told him not to come out until he was ready to wash his hair. I shut off his bedroom light and left the room shutting the door behind me. Obviously, Maddox didn't like one bit what had just happened. He cried and yelled from his room but I just ignored his behavior once again. When I heard him settling down and the whimper that comes after a hard cry beginning, I slowly opened his door and quietly walked in. I found Maddox laying in his bed with his pajamas on (which I didn't put on him) underneath his covers and almost asleep. I knelt down next to his bed and rubbed his back. I asked him if he was ready to wash his hear and he rolled over with swollen eyes and wet face, rubbed his eyes and said "I'm tired". My heart broke. I began to tear up. I knew I had done the right thing but my baby was crying himself to sleep all because he wants to wash his hair in the bathtub and not the shower.

Lesson Learned? As I sat there, heart breaking, watching my baby boy soothe himself with tears, it hit me...hard. I do this, we all do this, to God all the time. He asks us to do something SO simple and because it's not exactly the way we wanted to do it or not exactly what we wanted to do we throw a huge fit. We cross our arms, stomp our feet and scream at the top of our spiritual lungs in protest and refusal. We lash out and push God away refusing to accept His help through our situation. We want nothing more then for God to leave us alone. Then we eventually find ourselves self soothing and crying ourselves to sleep. We feel all alone. We feel as though we have been abandoned. In reality, God is standing right outside our door just waiting for us to come back out and say that we are ready and willing to do things His way. All He wants us to do is approach Him, to run back into His arms. He is listening to us cry and just waiting for us to come back. His heart is breaking as well. When I finally entered Maddox's room it broke my heart to hear him say "I'm tired". Why? Because he had done this to himself and didn't even realize it. He said those words to me as if I had caused his pain and that hurt me. When we refuse to follow God and refuse to do even the simplest of tasks we are fighting a battle that will only make us tired and worn out. We so often find ourselves in the fetal position, drenched in our own tears wondering why God has allowed all of this to happen to us when in reality we have pushed Him away and done it to ourselves. We could have avoided so much if only we had obeyed. What are you resisting? Why are you tired? Why are you standing firm and refusing to move forward? What is God asking YOU to do? It's a simple question and when we look back on these situations in our life we often wonder "Why did I freak out about that?" "What was I so afraid of?" "What He was asking me seems so simple, now!" But in the midst we flail about and throw a full on hissy fit. Examine yourself. Examine what God is doing in your life. Are YOU wearing yourself out by trying to do things YOUR way?

"Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:21-23

what?

(originally posted 5/31/09)

If you're the mother of toddlers, or have ever been the mother of a toddler, then you will know what I'm talking about when I say this...sometimes you have one of those days where you think to yourself "If I hear someone say 'mama' one more time I am going to lock myself in the bathroom!!" My boys call out for me a lot. Everyday, from about 6:30AM to about 8:30 or 9:00PM I hear "MAMA!" what seems like every ten minutes. Whether they need a drink, a snack, help going to the bathroom, their shoes re-tied, a toy off the top shelf or a multitude of different things...I hear the boys screaming my name all day every day! I've noticed over the lifetime of both of my boys that when they call for me, or even just say my name from the back seat of the car to point out something they've seen out their window, I have to respond to them in order to get the "calling" to stop. When I'm at home, and on the other side of the house, sometimes that response requires me to walk to wherever they are and see what they need and sometimes it simply requires me to respond to them verbally. Over the years, I have learned that I have to respond with the word "What?" in order for the boys to feel like I've really heard them. It can be very frustrating, but if I respond to their cries with "Yes?" or "Huh?" or any other word they just continue to say "Mama" and call my name until they hear "What?".

Lesson Learned? One day, while I was driving in the car and the boys were trying to get my attention, I had responded to them with EVERY other word possible besides "What?" and they continued to say "mama" over and over until in a huff I finally said "WHAT?" After I answered them with "what" the boys continued with whatever they wanted to tell me. In that moment, in my moment of mommy frustration, the Lord spoke to me and told me that we do this same thing to Him. So often, we keep asking the Lord the same exact thing over and over and over and over and we cry out to him over and over and over and over not even noticing that he is answering us. We are so focused on hearing one specific word, one specific answer that even as the Lord continues to answer our cries, using a variety of words and answers, we refuse to hear Him. We just continue asking our question. Maybe we don't want to hear the answer He is giving or maybe we just aren't in tune with His voice but whatever the "excuse" we are unable to move forward in our own lives and with what the Lord wants for us because we aren't hearing Him. We need to listen, tune in, find the voice of the Lord and pay attention. God is speaking to us all! We are only driving ourselves crazy and postponing the answers and blessings God has for us as individuals by not listening and just asking the same questions day after day. The Lord IS answering you!

constant

(originally posted 2/23/09)

Since we have moved into our new house, Maddox has had a very hard time falling asleep in his own bed. When we left Ponca he was still sleeping in a crib and so we hadn't had to deal with him getting up and down in the night. We also had done so well with a schedule with him that we could simply place him in his crib at a set time with his bottle and rarely would we even hear from him again until morning. Well, since we moved to Mustang this is no longer the case! Just falling asleep can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours and it is a constant battle of placing Maddox in his bed and him wandering out a few minutes later only to place him back in his bed again and on and on. We continue this process throughout the entire evening. Unfortunately, a lot of our bedtime problems are probably my fault because on days when I'm just exhausted by dinner and don't have the energy to fight Maddox through bedtime, I will concede and hold him on the sofa and allow him to fall asleep in my lap. This happens more often than not lately and one night as I was holding Maddox trying to get him to fall asleep, the Lord spoke to me.

Lesson Learned? As I sat in the dark with my son in my lap, the Lord said "You are Maddox's constant". Everything else around him has changed. His home has changed, his bed has changed, his routine has changed but mommy has stayed the same. Maddox was clinging to something familiar, something soothing. He was clinging to the only constant in his life. This should be and can be the same in our walk with the Lord. Even at moments when it seems everything around is us crashing down and we don't recognize our surroundings and don't know if we can or even want to adjust we can always cling to our savior. He will always be there. When we need him most he will scoop us up, wipe our tears away and hold us on the sofa just stroking our hair and allowing us to doze off to sleep in a familiar place. No matter where you are in life and no matter if you are feeling comfortable right now, there will come a time when everything around you will be uprooted. Whether that means you are physically uprooted and moved to a new town where you must readjust or whether that means you have to learn a tough spiritual lesson and so feel out of place in your own skin, just know that in those moments that Lord has not changed. His word promises that he is the same yesterday, today and forever. He can and will ALWAYS be your constant and your comfort.

stir until

(originally posted 11/23/08)

Every single morning, almost without fail, I have at least one cup of coffee. I know it's probably a bad habit but I'll be the first to admit I'm addicted. I wake up thinking about what flavor of coffee I want that morning and when I go grocery shopping I stand at the refrigerated section of the grocery store staring at the variety of coffee creamer's weighing my decision of which creamer I am in the mood for this time. I guess there's worse things I could be addicted to! Regardless, my routine goes that I make my cup of coffee, pour in a bit of sugar and then make my way to the refrigerator to pour in my creamer. With as many times as I have poured creamer into my coffee, it has only been recently that I have truly noticed something interesting about the "creamer pouring" process. When you pour lightly colored creamer into dark roast coffee (or any coffee for that matter) the creamer fills only the bottom of the mug. You can really see this if you use a clear glass coffee mug. Every bit of creamer you pour into your coffee settles across the bottom of the cup like a thick fog across the ground. Not until you stir the coffee does the creamer overtake the rich coffee and blend to where you can't tell what the color used to be. The two become one!

Lesson Learned? When you put creamer into your coffee it separates itself from the coffee until enticed by the spoon to mix in. This is just like God in our lives! God is a gentleman and, just like the creamer, won't mix with the coffee on it's own, God won't consume your life unless prompted by you. YOU have to invite HIM in! When invited, though, and when you finally do "mix" God into your life, something amazing happens! There comes a point when you have mixed so much that you don't remember what you used to look like. Everything about your make up changes. You become something new...something better! The two become one!

ahoy matey

(originally posted 10/19/08)

A couple of days ago the boys were each doing their own things while I cleaned up the house a bit. Ashtyn was watching cartoons in my room and Maddox was playing in his room. After a bit of play, Maddox came out of his room and asked me to get the toy pirate ship down. We keep it on a shelf that he can't reach all by himself. So, I went into his room and got it down along with the basket of pirate ship accessories and placed it on the floor in his room and began to walk out. As I walked away, though, Maddox said "No, I want it on the sofa." I turned back around and explained to him that mommy was picking up the living room and so he needed to keep the ship in his room for now so mommy could finish. He stuck his lower lip out and said "but I can't see you in here." Of course, my heart broke, but I also learned an important lesson.

Lesson Learned? Just as Maddox wanted to play with his pirate ship in a room where he could keep his eyes on mommy we should always do our best to keep our eyes on the Lord. I think we are all very good at this on "church days". We go to church on Sunday and Wednesday with every intention of focusing on God and giving him our full attention but why not live our everyday lives in that same manner? It doesn't matter if we are doing something serious or just simply "playing" (as Maddox was) we can still choose to stay within eye-shot of our Lord. I once read a devotional that said we don't only want to spend time with our children when they have a problem to work out or have something serious to discuss...we also want to spend time with them at the park or doing a puzzle. In fact, as parents, we get almost as much enjoyment out of simply watching our kids play as we do actually playing with them. There are many times I have found myself perfectly content to sit back and watch my boys do something they enjoy without them knowing I am peeking in. It brings tears to my eyes to see them excel in their talents and love their hobbies! God views us in much the same way. He loves us to talk out our troubles with him but he also loves to sit back and watch us enjoy his creation and all he has blessed us with. Next time you are going to the movies, taking a trip to the beach or even just relaxing with a good book remember that your Lord wants to be near you in that moment. Keep your eyes on him even in the most inopportune moments! I'm sure he would love to enjoy those simple and FUN moments with you!

a familiar route

(originally posted 9/22/08)

Since we have moved to Edmond, I think it goes without saying, that we have made quite a few trips back to Ponca City. We have gone back to visit the church, visit family and friends, and even take the boys to the doctor but, for whatever reason, we have been driving back and forth a lot. After being in Edmond for a few weeks, we decided to make yet another trip back to Ponca. It was just me and the boys visiting that day and I was anxious to get there. During the drive, the boys were watching their movies in the backseat and I was enjoying some quiet time with the radio and my thoughts. I was getting kind of lost in the drive...you know, when you are almost just in auto pilot mode because you have driven THAT drive soooo many times before and you feel like you could almost do it with your eyes closed!? (don't worry...my eyes were open! ha!) Anyway, at one point I really got to looking at my surroundings and I kind of freaked out because I didn't recognize where I was. For some reason, the landscape and the road didn't look familiar to me at all. I knew I was still on I-35 North headed to Ponca City...I knew I hadn't taken an exit or made a wrong turn, but I had to force myself to keep looking until I saw something familiar just to comfort myself and to know that I actually WAS on the right road.

Lesson Learned? Sometimes in life and in our relationship with the Lord we can be on a path and doing something that we KNOW is right and at the same time we can look up and feel lost. In that moment, we might panic and feel chaos build inside of us and we may even feel the need to "pull over" and re-evaluate where we are and where we are headed. We might want to turn around and head back the other direction knowing that something familiar is behind us but what we should do is take confidence in knowing that we were set on this path and should continue on, even if it may be blindly, until we reach our destination. Yes, there will be road signs telling us we are going the right way that will give us that boost we need to keep on...but in between those "signs" we just have to trust the road and trust the path. It will get us where we need to go.

pause

(originally posted 8/17/08)

God has been speaking to me for so long, now, through these "Lessons Learned" that I have begun to look for his voice in my everyday surroundings. Overall, I think this is a VERY good thing. Every moment in my day has become an opportunity to hear from God and learn something that I can apply to my life. On the downside, though, I think through this time of moving to Edmond and struggling to find my place I have been searching and searching and searching for a lesson that can get me through this. I just need something to get me through. A word...a lesson...a quote...ANYTHING!! In my searching, though, for something to help me I realized that I have been searching for a lesson when really all I needed to do was take a deep breath and calm down and relax. God wants us to work on ourselves and he wants us to learn and grow, but he also wants us to relax and rest in Him. There are times when it is perfectly appropriate to...do NOTHING! Wow! What a realization. I have spent so much of my life being all things to all people that I have forgotten that God loves ME too!! He is looking out for me and is giving me a chance to take a break. I still have no idea what my purpose is here in Edmond and who knows when I will find out...but I do know I can rely on the basics. God loves me! God is looking out for me! God has blessed me with a wonderful family and he wants me to enjoy them! Maybe you can apply this to some area of your life too.

long distance relationship

(originally posted 7/25/08)

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? Well, even if you haven't, I'm sure you know someone who has. Long distance relationships start off great! You get all the benefits of a relationship without all the daily grind. You see each other on the weekends or once or twice a month and you maximize those moments and plan only the best of the best to share with one another. You want to make sure that you create the best memories possible until the next time you see each other. Unfortunately, though, long distance relationships generally do not last. In order for a relationship to last it has to progress and when you aren't putting in the day to day work it takes to build a relationship then it will eventually (and unfortunately) fade away.

Lesson Learned? This lesson goes 2 ways. One, is that we often treat our relationship with the Lord as a long distance relationship. We plan huge events with him and visit him for the fun times and create memories that we think are building something to last, but over time we find ourselves bored and moving on to other things. This is because we're not progressing into a more intimate and deeper relationship. We are only sharing the "fun" times. Yes, long distance relationships may be fun for a time (even with God) but just like marriage, in the long run you have to take the bad with the good. Yes, married couples may fight more than long distance relationship couples but they are also committed to one another. Whereas those who have surface relationships may never experience a lovers quarrel now and then they will also not stand the test of time. The second lesson I have learned about long distance relationships is best described with a personal experience. As you know, we have recently moved to Edmond. God moved us away from everything we have ever known in Ponca City. The ministry we grew up in, our families and the friends we have had since we were teenagers. It doesn't need to be said that this HAS NOT been easy. Since our move, I have been back to Ponca City nearly every single week for one thing or another. Whether it was a commitment I had made previous to moving or just a visit to family and friends we have driven back and forth quite a bit. I realized something recently though that was hard to swallow...I am having a long distance relationship with Ponca City. God called me to a new city and a new ministry and a new chapter in my life but I am still trying to plan those "fun" events with my old city. Now, that's not to say that I can't still hold onto old friendships and still visit them and stay in touch. But by not letting go I am missing whatever God has for me here, and in fact am only delaying the blessings God has for me in Edmond. I am avoiding my new life. You can apply this to your own life in many ways. Whether you have moved or are moving to a new town or whether you are getting a new job or just making a major change in your life...focus on the future. Don't think of this change as the death of the past but more the opportunity to embrace something new. Believe me, even as a type, I have not figured out how to do this yet but the beauty is I DON'T HAVE TO FIGURE IT OUT!! I simply need to stay faithful to my God and stay faithful to my family and live the life God has laid out before me and everything will, thank heavens, fall into place.

alone time

(originally posted 5/18/08)

Ashtyn has gone to bed all by himself for quite sometime now. At around 7:30 or 8:00PM we put him in his bed, tuck him in and turn on a movie and he falls asleep, usually, pretty quickly. Lately, though, he has been playing that "bedtime" game again where he will come out of his room what seems like 100 times each evening for various reasons. He either wants a drink, has to go potty, needs a snack or wants to watch a different movie. He has also most recently started asking for someone to come in and lay down with him until he falls asleep. We generally try to just tuck him back in and let him fall asleep by himself so that he won't grow dependent on us being next to him to sleep but sometimes it's hard to look into his eyes and say "no". About a week ago we gave in and Brandon laid with him one night and I did the next. Since then, it has been hard to get him to fall asleep by himself again. He has asked every night for one of us to come to his room. Last Tuesday, in particular, Brandon was watching "The Deadliest Catch" and I was reading a book. We thought Ashtyn was asleep but indeed he was not and around 8:30PM he came down the hallway and asked for someone to come lay with him. I tried to handle him, since Brandon was watching his show, and I escorted him back to his bed. He begged me to stay but I really wanted to keep reading my book and so I tucked him in and kissed him goodnight once again. This happened a couple more times over the next 20 minutes or so. At around 8:50PM, I finally agreed to lay with him. As I was laying there watching my son fall asleep the Lord spoke to me...

Lesson Learned? My son was not only asking me to lay with him he was really asking to spend some time with just mommy. The house was quiet and he was longing for the comfort and safety of some alone time. Many times in our lives the Lord is asking us for the same thing. He keeps approaching us asking different things from us (a drink, snack or movie) in the hopes that we will put down what we are doing and tend to what he is asking. We may, in fact, do these little tasks but we do them in a hurry and get back to our own thing. Then when the Lord finally reaches out and asks, or even begs, for our full attention and our time we reluctantly put down what we are doing and spend the time. The crazy part about that night, and what really hit me, was that I was reading a christian book. The Lord pointed out to me that the very thing that I was doing was a "good thing". There was nothing, within itself, wrong with my reading that book. In fact, I probably should read that book but at the time the Lord (Ashtyn) wanted my full attention. Sometimes, God will ask us to put down something that isn't bad for us and in fact is a VERY good thing...but it's just not the time for us to be doing it. We have to be sensitive in those times and make sure that we are guided by the Holy Spirit so that we will know when the appropriate time to continue in our "good thing" is and when it is time to lay that "thing" down and simply lay with the Lord and be quiet.

red light, green light

(originally posted 4/27/08)

Again, the Everaard family has taught me a huge lesson that I am posting in my Lesson Learned. This weekend, Brandon and I went to a conference in Owasso called All Church Ministries Conference. It is a conference for all department heads in your church. We went basically because Brandon had done a lot of graphics work for the conference and so they had a hotel room for us and we sort of used it as a weekend getaway. We did some shopping and hung out with friends. It was fun! On the first night, we were on our way to the evening service and we rode to the church with Doug and Jill. We were at a stoplight and Doug said "is that next stoplight up there out?" We all looked to the next stoplight and sure enough it looked like it was out. You couldn't see any light coming out of it at all. Then Jill said "I think you'll be able to see it when you get closer to it." As our light turned green and we drove closer to the next stoplight, just as Jill had predicted the Red light came into view and the color became clear.

Lesson Learned? As we all saw the light come into view Doug said "much like with God"...and he was soooo right. We so often look just up the next block and think that we will have no direction when we get there and we immediately freak out. We begin trying to find our own direction and thoughts cross our minds like "should I treat this as a 4-way stop" or "how long will it take me to get through this intersection without clear signals?" All of these thoughts bombard us and we don't even allow ourselves to get close enough to the intersection to find out for sure if the signal is even out. We do this exact same thing with God. We look a couple steps ahead and we assume that He has forgotten us or we refuse to take the next stop because we don't already know what the step after that will be. When in fact if we would just get closer to the intersection we would see that the light is working after all and direction is headed our way we just had to keep traveling the direction we knew we were supposed to go. Sure, the signal might come at the last minute but it will come. And yes, it might be a red light and not a green light but it's still a light and you can always be sure that if you come to a red light it won't stay red forever...

because it will

(originally posted 4/21/08)

I think everyone knows by now that Doug & Jill, my longtime youth pastors and friends have accepted the District Youth Director position for the state of Oklahoma and are currently in the process of moving to Oklahoma City. They have accepted an offer on their house and so probably within a month or six weeks will be fully moved out of Ponca City. As you can imagine this is stressful. Not only is it stressful simply because they are leaving their home of 8 years and will be moving two hours from all of their close friends but they have the added stress of a new very busy career and 4 month old baby. I'm not even sure how they've made it this far but with God's help they have and they still have a long road ahead of them. They now have to find a home in Oklahoma City, pack their current home and move into their new home all before mid May when they again have to pack up their entire family and move to Turner Falls Youth Camp for 6 weeks to run the Assemblies of God youth camp's for the summer. WOW! Through all of this though the youngest member of the Everaard family has taught me an important lesson. Grayson Everaard, now just 4 months old, has taught me to "be still and know". How?...you might ask. Think about it, this little tiny man is under just as much of a time crunch as the rest of us and yet he is fully reliant on his mom and dad. He doesn't attempt to grow up too fast or rush through his days, he just takes things slow and allows Doug & Jill to tote him around wherever he needs to be. 

Lesson Learned? We should allow the same for ourselves with God. He knows how to pack up our homes and move us to another city (so to speak) and we don't have to worry about it. When it is time to go he will strap us into our car seats, make sure we have clean diapers and enough milk to drink and place us in our new home with everything we need to survive. Gray isn't worried. He's not stressed out. He hasn't attempted to learn how to make his own bottles and change his own diapers just so that Doug and Jill won't have to worry about doing it...NO! Despite the chaos around him and all the things on Doug and Jill's to-do list Gray simply is who he is and does what he can do. Why do we do the opposite with God? Why do we attempt to "change our own diapers" when we aren't ready for that? Do we think God has forgotten how to or that he won't remember we need a dry diaper? Do we think if we don't feed ourselves that God will just let us starve? Are we afraid that if we don't pack up boxes and put them in the moving truck that God won't use us anymore? Would Doug and Jill do these things to Gray? NEVER! They wouldn't leave him in Ponca City if he refused to pack up his own room...that's absurd. Try and apply this principal to your own life. I know I will. God knows what we can handle and what we can't and he will never ask us to accomplish more then he knows we are capable of. We should just lay back, take our bottles and trust that everything will work out...because IT WILL!!

play ball

(originally posted 2/25/08)

A couple of weeks ago, as I was playing with Maddox, I tried to get him to roll a ball back and forth between the two of us. I would place him on the floor and then walk away from him so that I could sit across the room, but by the time I could sit down a few feet away he had gotten up and was walking toward me. He would then sit either next to me or in my lap and roll the ball toward the spot where he used to be sitting. I tried to correct him several times repeating the process of placing him against one wall and trying to walk myself to the other wall before he could get up and follow me, but it wasn't working. Eventually we ended up where he would just sit in my lap, roll the ball to no one and then get up himself and fetch the ball. All I could do was laugh at the logic, or lack thereof, in my 19 month old. He wanted to play with mama and he wanted to roll the ball but he also wanted to be close to me and sit in my lap and he wasn't able to logically think through the fact that we couldn't do both. 

Lesson Learned? In order for rolling the ball back and forth to truly work Maddox has to do his part and he also has to allow me to do my part. Unfortunately, Maddox wanted to do both his and my part, which in the end only wore him out and caused us to have to stop playing sooner than we probably would have if we had split the "work". When we insist on "rolling the ball" both ways, between us and God we not only rob ourselves of what God has for us but we also wear ourselves out by blindly rolling the ball, running and getting it and rolling the ball again, when instead we could be sitting in one place rolling the ball one direction and allowing it to come back to us. By allowing God to do his part, and roll the ball when it's His turn, we not only won't run ourselves out of energy and excitement for the game, but we will also allow God to play a part in our lives. So...sit down, relax, roll the ball and wait for the ball to come back to you. And don't be afraid when you feel like the Lord is far away. He may just be across the room waiting for you to roll the ball so he can roll it back. 

uninhibited

(originally posted 2/17/08)

The Lord has blessed me not only with a 3 1/2 and 19 month old...but He made them BOYS!!! Having two boys has taught me a lot of things I never learned in my first 21 years of life, especially growing up with two sisters. Some lessons have made me laugh, some have made me cry and others I've just had to walk away from and take a deep breath. One of the biggest "laugh worthy" lessons I have learned is that the male species is born with an abnormal amount of pride for their "bodies"...if you know what I mean. Even as infants they prefer to be naked and once they are old enough to walk and talk they are more then excited to show off the "goods" to whoever is willing to look!! I'm still not sure why God gives them this uninhibited sense of pride, but He does! Tonight, as we were putting the boys in the bath, Ashtyn disappeared into his room looking for a particular toy he wanted to play with in the bubbles. As I went to look for him, I rounded the corner to his room and there he was sitting buck-naked on his floor digging through a basket of toys. He then stood and walked down the hall toward the bathroom ready for his bath. As my 3 1/2 year old son walked completely nude throughout our house, casually picking up toys and talking to me all at the same time...I realized that this uninhibited pride isn't so bad after all. It is God given and maybe, just maybe, it's good!

Lesson Learned? Just as my son so willingly and pridefully prances about in "all his glory" in front of me casually chatting about his day...I could and should be this same way with the Lord. Now...stay with me here. I'm not saying that during your daily quiet time or while listening to praise and worship music on your I-Pod that you should "bare all" physically, what I AM saying is that you should "bare all" spiritually. Why is it that as children grow they develop a sense of people looking at them and tend to become more embarrassed and more "covered up" in order to hide things they don't want others to see or know? We do this very same thing with the Lord. We think that we can somehow hide things from the Lord. Well, we can't. He created us. He knows what we look like completely covered and completely stripped down. Why waste our time attempting to cover something He already knows is there. Walk and talk and parade yourself to your Lord...good, bad, ALL! Bare your soul to the Lord and open up to Him. Don't lose that innocence and pride in who you are before your Lord, stripped down and yourself. Just be you to your father.

icy patch

(originally posted 2/11/08)

As often as I can, I try to do my grocery shopping on Friday mornings because Brandon has Friday's off and so, if I want, I can go grocery shopping by myself! But also from time to time I try to take  one of the boys with me. It's fun to spend that time with just one of them and plus whoever goes usually gets to pick out a new toy! It's a fun little thing that they enjoy and so do I! This past Friday it was Ashtyn's turn to go with mom and so we loaded up early that morning and headed to Wal-Mart. It had snowed on Thursday and so there was still quite a bit of snow on the ground and even some ice too. When we got out of the car at Wal-Mart and began walking across the parking lot I told Ashtyn to walk carefully because I could tell that some spots on the ground were still pretty icy and slick. As we approached a particular patch of ice I gripped Ashtyn's hand tight in mine. As we crossed the icy patch it struck me...Ashtyn never squeezed my hand or held on to me tighter. Why, I wondered? I didn't have much time to think about it but the Lord spoke to me in that split second as we walked through the doors of Wal-Mart.

Lesson Learned? I was protecting Ashtyn, my son, and he trusted me. As the adult and parent, I saw the icy patch from quite a distance away. Ashtyn was blissfully unaware of any form of danger or uncertainty approaching but I was on the lookout and knew ahead of time that Ash might have a hard time crossing the ice, thus me holding a tighter grip on his hand as we began to cross the ice. At the same time Ashtyn didn't think twice about crossing the ice with his mom. He didn't protest or whine that he "couldn't do it" he just held my hand and trusted me. He didn't even feel the need to hang onto me any tighter than he was before. In fact, he didn't have a reason NOT to trust me. Without a second thought, he walked confidently over the ice and into Wal-Mart! This can be totally related to our relationship with Christ. Sometimes, we as God's children, spend so much time looking ahead for the "ice" in our lives that we don't live our lives to their full potential and worse we don't allow God to do His job. God can see what is up ahead and He will take care of us. He will hold us closer when need be and He will tell us to walk carefully when we need to. Think about it, we have NO REASON to doubt that God is looking out for us so why do we? Has He EVER let you down? Has He EVER let you slip on the ice? We should trust like a child. Trust like Ashtyn did that icy morning. He was just enjoying his day, imagining things like dinosaurs and Star Wars and never once thinking that today might be the day mom lets him fall. Trust God. Trust that He can see what's ahead and live in your own world. Imagine your day away...daydream...who knows, maybe you'll get a new toy out of the deal!!!

hot pink in a grey world

(originally posted 2/3/08)

Have you ever seen the movie Legally Blonde 2? Well, if you haven’t…you should. The main character is Elle Woods. A bubbly stereotypical Sorority sister with platinum blonde hair and perfectly manicured nails graduates from law school, to the surprise of ALL who know her, and moves to Washington D.C. to take on Capital Hill in the attempt to pass a bill to stop cosmetic testing on animals. When she first arrives in Washington she is assigned to work in a specific office for a specific Congresswoman. The other interns she works with on a daily basis quickly get annoyed with her over-the-top, bubbly personality and unconventional way of doing things. Her so-called colleagues try to bring her down by personally insulting her and making fun of her behind her back. They believe in the tried and true way of politics…going “by the book” as they say. One character in particular, Grace, is especially mean to Elle. She feels threatened by Elle’s catchy tactics and fresh perspective. Both Elle and Grace are attempting to get their own bills passed. Elle’s, of course, is the animal testing bill and Grace is after a homeowner’s incentive bill. When Elle gets a meeting with the Congressman she needs to persuade to make headway on her bill long before Grace does on her own bill, Grace confronts Elle and tells her, basically, to back off and stop trying to get through life on a good smile and pink lip gloss and instead give in to the way that has made this country run for over 200 years. This makes Elle a bit sad, but instead of letting Grace bring her down she allows Grace’s comments to give her the extra drive she needs to see her bill pass! The main difference between Grace and Elle is Grace plays by the “rules” and Elle paves her own way…a new path! 

Lesson Learned? We are this way with Christianity. Grace represents a Christian who is “stuck in their ways”…someone who can’t see, or make room for, change in the church or in methods of reaching the lost. Elle, on the other hand, is a new convert or a Christian who is on fire! She is so excited and passionate about what she is doing and her ultimate goal that she will stop at nothing to see it come true…even if that means using unconventional tactics and things never seen before in order to get that done. Elle is a “hot pink sweater set” in a sea of dull, black and grey suits and ties. We should be the same way. Why not stand out? Why not be the Christian who is so over the top excited to share what we have that we don’t follow the “rules” to make it known? Why not be “hot pink” in a dark world? Elle also got things done by not signing up on a waiting list to see the important people. Instead she sought them out in their real world. She found Congresswomen at the salon and talked them into meeting with her, she found tough Congressmen at the dog park and spoke to them from her heart…she used relationships to get what she wanted and SO CAN WE!!! Get out there where the people are instead of signing up and waiting for them to come to us! It may take an extra smile and an extra “walk through the dog park” but in the end it’ll produce faster and longer lasting results!! Taking this lesson a step further, and maybe even making it more relevant to more people, if you find yourself stuck in the dull gray world of Christianity and aren’t sure where to go next…put on some hot pink lip gloss and dye your hair platinum blonde. Okay…maybe not literally, but what I mean is, get involved in something new. Fall in love with the Lord and with ministry all over again. Carve your own path and your own way of witnessing into the world and go for it! And DON’T let those still stuck in their dull grey suits bring you down. If need be, separate yourself, smile, sing, even gallop through your day! Be a little goofy and a little bubbly and a little giggly even…bring joy back to your life and to your ministry!!! You’ll have a better day for it and so will all those who come in contact with you!

mister independent

(originally posted 1/27/08)

If you know me, you know I am the mother of 2 boys. Ashtyn is 3 1/2 and Maddox is 18 months old. Ashtyn is growing up fast and is getting to the age where he wants to do EVERYTHING himself. He loves to put shampoo in his own hair, brush his own teeth and has recently started dressing himself (or attempting to anyway!). He does very well with his pants but still has a hard time with shirts and socks, which is understandable, but he's getting the hang of it! Maddox on the other hand has absolutely no desire to do any of these things. He's still part baby (I like to think ALL baby) and so likes for mom to do these tasks for him. And when you really think about it, even if Maddox wanted to brush his own teeth and dress himself it probably wouldn't go too well. I could literally put him in his room and say "Maddox get dressed!" and walk out and even if I didn't come back for 3 hours he wouldn't be dressed. He simply doesn't possess the skills to open his drawers or reach into his closet, pull out clothes and put them on. At his age, even if I picked out his clothes and laid them in his room and put him in there he still wouldn't be able to put them on. In the years to come, though, he will learn everything he needs to know and before I know it he will be dressing himself and proudly boasting about it to mom and dad. 

Lesson Learned? I would never ever ask Maddox to dress himself and I definitely would never FORCE him to dress himself. It would be ridiculous of me. I know his limits, I know what he is capable of and dressing himself is not one of those things...yet. Just as I am with Maddox, the Lord is with us. He knows our strengths, He knows our weaknesses and He will never ask us to do something that we cannot do. Now, Maddox may "want" to dress himself and he may throw a fit if I try to help Him but I know how much to help him and when to let him go on his own. There may even come a time when I have to let him go at it alone until he asks for help...and even if I see he is struggling I must let him figure it out and struggle until he either gets it or until he asks for help. Sometimes if you feel like you are wallowing and flailing and you are all alone in your situation, God is just allowing you to figure it out...or He is just waiting for YOU TO ASK FOR HELP! What a novel concept! Why is it so hard for us to ask for help? Especially from the One who created us??? The bottom line is, God won't ask us to do something we can't do or are incapable of doing but when the time comes for us to learn that "thing" He will allow us to do so, even if it means struggle for us...but, remember, He is always right there willing and ready to help us through it! Oh...and we can have as many "tries" as we want.

silent treatment

(originally posted 1/20/08)

Last week I was having an “emotional” week. One day in particular, I was short tempered and little things were making me upset and even making me cry. After the boys were in bed, Brandon and I were sitting on the sofa watching TV and something happened (I think maybe something Brandon said) set me off again. I was crying and ranting and just letting it all out. I guess “letting Brandon have it” is practically what I was doing. It had been a long day, I was tired and I just had to explode…poor Brandon just happened to be there. Well, earlier in the day Brandon had rented a couple movies for us to watch but the boys had been difficult to put to bed and when I finally collapsed onto the sofa I just wanted to veg out and watch 20/20 (it was a murder mystery….my favorite!!). So, I had turned on the TV and whatever Brandon said had set me off and so the TV was running and I was sobbing and just as I poured my heart out and told Brandon how I was feeling he turned to me and said “So, are we going to watch this movie or not?” If you’re married you know that this was not a smart thing to say. I think I turned bright red. I was so mad. It was as if Brandon was tuning out every word I had said and was only concerned with watching his precious movie. I, in turn, gave him the silent treatment (okay, so I reverted to high school, dating style fighting habits) and sulked. Brandon tried to recant and climb out of the HUGE hole he had just dug himself into but I wasn’t having it. We eventually made nice and went to bed on a good note but it wasn’t until the next morning that the Lord spoke to me. 

 Lesson Learned? We treat the Lord exactly this way. This is a double lesson because, in this scenario, both Brandon and I can represent the Lord. Assuming that I am the Lord in this situation, we sometimes have no idea that God is pouring Himself out to us. He is seeking an intimate moment of conversation and closeness and we in turn respond with something way off base. We aren’t in tune at all to the point and focus the Lord is trying to make with us. We are on a completely different plain and it can appear, and maybe even is true, that we aren’t even paying attention to Him. We think we are having a conversation when in reality we are on totally different pages. On the flip side, assuming Brandon is the Lord in our scenario, we as people can be totally pouring ourselves onto the altar and looking for a specific response and when we don’t get the response we were hoping for or striving for we get so angry that we give the Lord the “silent treatment”. We walk away and refuse to even talk through what the Lord is saying. He is taking us in a specific direction but we refuse to follow. The Lord is looking out for us. He wants what’s best for us. We have to strive to be in tune with Him and in our prayers and conversations with Him make sure we are not speaking on a surface level and assuming we’ve spent quality time with Him. We also can’t assume we know what answer is coming and when we don’t hear exactly what “we want” refuse to listen any further. Like I said “how childish." Instead, any time we seek the Lord, we have to prepare our hearts for any answer that might come. And regardless of what we hear, we must trust the Lord and believe that He knows exactly what we need. Let’s not forget, the Lord lives in tomorrow, next week and even next year. He sees the BIG picture! Let’s be thankful for that instead of resenting it in a moment of immaturity.

completely in the moment

(originally posted 1/12/08)

In order to fully portray this week's lesson, I am going to have to open up and be a bit transparent. Lately, I have been dealing with a lot personally. Life has delivered a lot of "surprises" and along with those "surprises" have come tears, fear, stress and tons of self reflection and prayer. As I come through this time in my life and try my hardest to keep my faith I am beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Not all issues are resolved and some answers haven't come (and some answers that did come weren't the ones I wanted) but I am constantly reminding myself to "turn it over to the Lord" and doing my best to actually do that! While in the midst of this time in my life, I have been reminded of what the Lord says about children. All throughout the Bible the Lord encourages us, as Christians, to be like children...to worship like children with full abandon, to love like children unconditionally and, particular to my case, to trust like children without fear. As I was giving my boys a bath the other night, on a day that had been particularly hard for me, I was allowing doubt and fear to creep into my mind and cloud my thinking. I was struggling. As I watched my boys in the bath I noticed how they laughed out loud and danced and spun in circles. I watched them crack each other up simply by putting bubbles on their heads and how they yelled "Mom watch this!" at the top of their lungs. I couldn't help but smile. The Lord spoke to me in that moment and reminded me to "be like a child". As my boys took their bath they had no fear that I would walk out of the bathroom and never return, they had no fear that their wouldn't be a snack waiting for them after they got on their pajamas and they had total confidence that when they woke up the next morning mom would be there to make them breakfast. They were living completely in the moment and having fun doing it.

Lesson Learned? I re-learned at that very moment that the Lord, just as I want for my boys, wants me to live in the moment and not worry about next week, tomorrow or even this afternoon. He wants me to laugh and smile and dance and spin circles until I fall over. He wants me to crack up over the small things and know, just know, that in life's next moment He will be there to provide exactly what I need. I know, as a mother, that if my sons were constantly asking if they would eat today or worrying if they would have clothes to wear or milk to drink it would break my heart. I hope that they will always trust their mom and dad enough to provide for their needs. I believe God feels the exact same way about us. We are HIS children, I am HIS daughter, and He WANTS to take care of me. All I have to do is enjoy His love and rest knowing He is constantly working to take care of me.

lean out

(originally posted 1/6/08)

This week I watched Elia, my niece, for a few hours while her dad helped Brandon set up the boys’ swing set that their grandparents got them for Christmas. All three kids (Elia and my two boys) were playing very hard and had gotten out nearly every toy from every room! They were each sort of playing separately from one another and Elia had attached herself to this rocking horse pony that belongs to Maddox. It is a rocking horse but the body of the pony is more realistic then just plain wood, complete with hair and a mane and everything! You can even push the pony’s ear and it sings this song about “being a pony” and “jumping and running”. So, Elia was sitting in the living room petting the pony when she accidentally pushed the pony’s ear and made him sing. She obviously couldn’t figure out how to make him sing again and so she started fussing. I didn’t notice at first what she was doing until her fussing got so loud that it made me go over to her and find out what was wrong. She was whining and wrinkling up her nose and pointing emphatically at the pony’s mouth. I finally figured out that she wanted him to sing again. So, I pushed the pony's ear and walked away. The pony sang his little song and then again the whining and fussing started up. After repeating this process two or three times, Elia eventually quit crying when the pony would stop singing and instead would simply lean over and stare at me until I would come and push the pony’s ear again. She figured out that she didn’t need to cry to get her way, she just needed to let me know she was ready for the pony to sing again. 

Lesson Learned? We act this very same way with God. We know that He will come through, we know that He is aware of our needs and yet we still cry, whine, snot and throw a fit every time He doesn’t respond to us immediately. But just as Elia eventually learned she didn’t have to act out this entire scene to get me to help her we have to learn that all we have to do is turn our eyes upon Jesus and he will meet our needs. If we will just “lean out” and make eye contact with him He will answer us. No whining necessary.

follow the leader

(originally posted 12/16/07)

This last week I was asked to lead Praise & Worship on Wednesday night. The Wednesday night band is very small consisting, normally, of just Jill, me, Brandon and a guitar player named Kent. So, this week it was just Me, Brandon and Kent. As we were practicing, I was trying to get through the songs fairly quickly and so I wasn't singing each song as long as we normally do. (For Example: where we normally would sing the chorus twice I was only doing it once) As the lead, I have to signal to the rest of the band where to go in the song with hand gestures. Each part of the song has its own signal. As we were coming out of the bridge and into verse 4, I was signaling verse to the band but when I went to sing the verse the band continued playing the bridge another time through. I turned around and made eye contact with Brandon. He stopped playing and I said "I was signaling verse." He said, "Oh sorry, we normally play the bridge through again and so I wasn't even looking for a signal yet."AH-HA! I think you know where I'm going with this. Brandon wasn't expecting a signal yet, to change what we were doing in the song because we "normally" didn't do it that way. Lesson Learned? Always keep your eyes on the One giving the signals. We may not be expecting a change in our path and even may think we know where we're going, but the one giving the signals is the only one who truly knows and He is in control. Keep your eyes on Him and you will always know where to go and what to do next!

it bit me!

(originally posted 12/10/07)

A week ago, I was watching Seth for a couple of hours and I also had Ashtyn and Maddox. Doug & Jill were at a meeting and Brandon was at a board meeting at the church. Maddox was winding down for bed and Seth and Ashtyn were playing in his room, so I took the opportunity to get some housework done. I was in the kitchen doing dishes when Seth and Ashtyn made their way into the kitchen and were playing behind me. Suddenly, I hear Ashtyn screaming at the top of his lungs and turn around to see tears streaming down his face. He was bright red and was holding his hand up toward me through blood-curdling screams. Seth had backed up against the wall and was standing wide-eyed staring at what was happening. Of course, I immediately picked up Ashtyn and started asking over and over "What happened?" "What's wrong?" I finally composed myself enough to actually look at the hand that he was still reaching toward me and noticed a brown substance covering his fingers and hand. I couldn't figure out for the life of me what had happened and could only understand Ashtyn repeating "It bit me!" over and over while still screaming and crying. Only then did I look over where the boys had been playing and noticed there was a lit candle close to the edge of the counter. Apparently, Ashtyn had reached up onto the counter and stuck his entire hand deep into the melted wax of the candle...I felt horrible. I rushed him to the bathroom and soaked a washcloth in cool water and wrapped up his hand. I already felt like a horrible mom and the biggest fear running through my mind was that I would pull away that washcloth to find that skin had been burned or, even worse that skin would be peeling off or blistered. Luckily the only thing I saw when I removed the washcloth was a perfect little hand. I held Ashtyn for several minutes, in my lap, stroking his hair and whispering that everything would be alright. He slowly stopped crying and eventually got down to go play again. Later that night, after Seth had gone home and I was putting Ashtyn to bed, he looked up at me and said "Mommy, when my hand was hurting you said everything was fine!" and he gave me a hug. My heart melted. It meant so much that my little son had so much faith in me. He hung on every word I said. When I told him "everything was okay" he believed me and didn't question me. Simply because I'm his mom he knew that I was telling him the truth and that I would protect him no matter what! 

Lesson Learned? As soon as Ashtyn said to me "you said everything was fine" it hit me like a ton of bricks...that's how I should be with God. When I'm hurt or something goes wrong in my life it's okay to crawl up into my Father's lap and let him stroke my hair and hold me and whisper that "everything will be okay". I further realized, later, that Ashtyn never did understand what had happened to him that night. He kept repeating "It bit me!" not that he had stuck his hand in a candle. He knew only that he felt pain and needed his mommy. It doesn't matter sometimes what has happened to us and it further doesn't matter if we understand what has happened to us, what matters is that God sees the problem and knows exactly how to fix it. Even if the only "fix" is some "lap-time" with the Lord.

work in progress

(originally posted 11/19/07)

We've recently been doing some minor renovations around our house. You know, the things that you've been "meaning to do" ever since you moved in, but 2-years later they are still left unfinished. For example, we finally replaced the light fixture that was in our bathroom. We found this really nice fixture at Lowe's and couldn't wait to put it up...well, when Brandon replaced the fixture the new one didn't line up exactly on the wall where the old fixture did, so now there are spaces on either side of the new fixture that we have to paint because the old color of the bathroom is peaking through. What I'm saying is that this minor change with a beautiful new fixture has created yet another task that hopefully won't take us 2 years to accomplish! Lesson learned? In life, or in your Christian walk, small changes (even the most exciting and "beautiful" ones) usually create more work and responsibility. We are a work in progress and can expect new challenges even during the best of times.

bumps and bruises

(originally posted 10/22/07)

My son Maddox is 15 months old. He is ALL boy and likes to play rough. I've noticed over the past few months that he enjoys running full speed down the hallway from his bedroom and into the living room. The only problem is as he rounds the sofa he usually loses his balance and falls head first into the coffee table. This has resulted in MANY bumps and bruises across his forehead. What's funny is Maddox seems to forget that bump or bruise and the next time he comes down the hall, he comes running full speed and rounds the sofa only to hit his head once again. What a lesson we can learn about life from my 15 month old son. Ignore that bump on your forehead. Forget the failure or mishap of yesterday and live life full speed. If we approached everything as if we couldn't fail...what would we accomplish?? Lesson Learned, silence that bruise and run full speed!